Little Lesbian Housewife

Hi! I'm a "little" (well maybe not so little...) lesbian housewife. Stuck here in boring western NC, not working, semi still in the closet (well, from one important person)... and engaged to get married to my female lover of 3 years. Life is, well, complicated... but would I have it any other way?

6.09.2006

One of these mornings...

One of these mornings
Won't be very long
You will look for me
And I'll be gone

Isn't this so haunting, and beautiful?...
I read this book today. Well, I started it last night but finished it just a bit ago. The Lovely Bones ... great book. Not in subject content necessarily... but in imagination of the author and hope... no better explination. It also has gross parts... it makes you wonder how sick people really can be, and what horrible things some people do to others. I know I'm not perfect, and I've made huge mistakes... but the things that some human beings do to one another... its so sad, and so scary... and at times I'm starting to feel like humanity still exists around you, it's things like that, that will make you really wonder.

K and I fought today. I feel sometimes like I'm not being fair to her... and other times I feel like she's not being fair to me. I think its somewhere in between, or a mixture of both. I hope we can work together somehow, because even though at times I may doubt myself, I want this to work. I'd feel lost if it didn't, and I think thats why I've spent so long protecting it.

MJ visited tonight, K fell asleep early, and I was upset when she left... I'd have liked for her to be around longer, but it left me time for my book.

I got this book off PBS that I'm thinking will be rather dumb. It's something about making your own psychic connection. I'm scared of reading it.
I feel papa around me, and I know he is there, and was there the night with Sydney... but it feels crazy, even to type out. I miss him... but I'm so afraid he's dissapointed in me.

Called the Dr. (Winston) today... ended up with a nurse, the Dr. is supposed to call back tomorrow. I'm tired of this, its time something gave way... The test yesterday was horrible... shocks and needles, like that could possibly be even the slightest bit comfortable. Mom was there, I was glad. I wish her and K could have both been there. I doubt it will ever happen, as much as it would make my heart smile and my life SO much easier...

6.06.2006

Found this...

I just found this great thing online I think I'm going to use with A over the summer. I already DL it and customized it, sorta. What a great incentive program for kids!
www.myrewardboard.com

Another boring day...

Today was uneventful for the most part. S came early, about 5:30 something, I think. I was considering taking him to mom's for the day, but I couldn't. I didn't feel well enough to go this morning. Lots of throbbing annoying pain today. Pins and needles not so bad.
K and I had a stupid little fight about letting A use the phone when she stays over the summer. I say 30 minutes a day is more than OK, especially if she earns it. For some reason, K doesn't. I'm not sure why.... But it was over fairly quickly. I think the Wellbutrin is helping some, even though she doesn't agree with me.

This woman came about a possible job today. She called back and said that an aunt was going to do it, which honestly, was a relief. She struck me as one of those people who was very... snobby and set in her ways. She wasn't very friendly... her garage is probably larger than my house. Blah, who cares. (Well, obviously I do a little or I wouldn't be writing about it, now would I...?)

So mom and I were talking, and I'm going to TRY and go see her tomorrow. If I don't drive up there she will come pick me up. I hope it works out that way, because I don't want to drive that far. Eyes have been crossing some, I don't feel if it's really that safe. Blah, too much health complaints, huh? But back to mom - she seemed very blue tonight. That was even the word she used... "blue"... as if saying she was "Depressed" or "lonely" would be too harsh. She's so odd sometimes. But a good sort of odd.

I found this online, its one of those sort of get to know you things I always like to learn about people...

What is your favorite...
...part of the day? Night, when everyone else is asleep
...dessert? apple cobbler or banana milkshakes
...leisure activity/hobby? cooking, coupons, yard-sales, and I want to get back into scrapbooking
...book? not sure, right now I'm reading Love, Ellen by Ellen DeGeneres' mother. It's great, I like it alot. I hope there comes a day mom would read something like that.
...movie? This often changes, but right now : Mr. and Mrs. Smith
...meal? Pizza, though I'm slowly weaning from that...
...part of your job? Getting to buy clothes for S. J/K? No, probably when he's sweet...
...restaurant? Olive Garden
...clothing? these jeans, with butterflies on one leg at the bottom, and this pink shirt I bought at the beach. It's great.
...color? Black
...section of the country? The south...
...season? Winter
...memory? too many to count...
...Sunday afternoon activity? a nap
...game/thing you did as a child? Barbies
...flower? Yellow or Purple Roses
...quote? "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it was meant to be. If it doesn't it was never yours to begin with..."
...art/artist? None at the moment, I'm enjoying doing a bit of DiVinci research though.
...song? "Bed of Lies" - Matchbox 20
Bonus: What are the three things you would take with you on a desert island? Well, assuming my desert island had electricity... a computer w/internet access, my mom (that's not a thing I know, but still)... and a life raft in case I decided I wanted to leave the island, LOL.

6.04.2006

She was off 2 days...

K was off for 2 days this weekend. Both Saturday and Sunday. That's surprising given the fact that its been since almost Christmas since she's had a weekend off. I did enjoy it, with the exception of part of Saturday morning. She started taking her Wellbutrin again beginning Friday night. I think it's helping. She even got up and fixed me breakfast in bed this morning. *gasp* LOL

My left ear is hurting. Funny, it didn't hurt when we didn't have any Q-tips in the house...

I made amazing dinner tonight. It was just chicken foil packets, but it was great. I used green beans, potatoes, onions, and mushrooms. Then the chicken breasts, seasonings... little of this and that. K was impressed. It makes me happy when she comments on what I cook. I know I'm good at it, but its nice to hear once in awhile...

A will be here full time starting Thursday. That's interesting. I'm not used to having a 12 yr. old in the house. I think I'm going to help get her some clothes by having her help around the house. Even helping fix the other kids' lunches is enough to warrant a $.50 shirt. Poor kid, breaks my heart. I am glad its Monday again though, I feel weird when there aren't kids in the house.

I talked about taking S with me to see mom in the morning. But K works from 8-3, so that doesn't really leave me much time. Besides, I worry about the drive up there. I've been driving less and less lately. It scares me some. My appt. for the nerve study test is this week, Wed. I dread it. Nothing like needles and shocks to brighten your week, huh?
I should go see mom, I miss her. I told her we should write letters back and forth a couple times a week. I thought she'd be more excited than she was. It made me sad that she wasn't. But maybe she can "gain" some enthusiasm... I'd sure like to be able to get close with her again. But unfortunately, there will always be that secret.

The sheets are calling to me...